ARCHIVES
*The Jenster's blog!*
*KellAY's Blog!*
*Heather's Blog*
*The Blog of a short bus kid!!*cough LAUREL cough*
*Jackie's Blog!!*
*Click here and press enter right away!!*
*Where is Suzie right now?? click here to find out!*
*Random Deep Thoughts*
*The stuff you download*
*FEETMAN!!!!!*
*I hope life isn't a big joke, because i don't get it!* *KELLAYKELLAY: i swear, sometimes I feel like i'm on the Real World Pennslyvania or something*
*Sometimes the beauty of the world is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back my head and gargle. Just gargle and gargle, and I don't care who hears me, because I am beautiful. *
| Powered by TagBoard Message Board |
Sunday, June 08, 2003
ew, wait. i'm writingn in the wrong blog.
CLICK HERE FOR THE RIGHT BLOG.
blogger was down for like, ever. what a bitch.
Wednesday, June 04, 2003
yeah. just leave.
au revoir.
adios.
good bye
i will no longer be updating this one so shoo.
this blog was being retarted so i made a new blog.
pleaseandthankyou.blogspot.com
sam adcock just printed out 30 copies of her information... thats what happens when you're a reckless printing maniac.
create an account at ardvark.com (notice they spell it wrong.)
i'm in global studies.
Tuesday, June 03, 2003
wow. thats big.
My draggy!
Get one!
yeah. and look at me now. i can't even get up from my chair. i think i need help.
i've written over 100 entires today. maybe i should cut down on the blogging.
i think i have a problem with that.
why haven't i gotten up yet?
i'm going to bed now.
lol. that was so random.
its 10:35 on a tuesday night, and an intersection in watertown, NY is completly empty...
my screen is looking lopsided. maybe i need sleep
no one ims me on my cell anymore. people don't love me.
i'm 93% addicted to AIM. how addicted are you?
wow. that survey was special
1.. What is the time right now? 10:00
2.. Name: suzie hunter
3.. Nicknames: french toast, soozles,
4.. What are you wearing right now: pajamas
6.. Where do you live: media pa
7.. Sex: female
8.. Single or taken: pffft. like anyone loves me...
9.. Righty or lefty: righty
10.. Hair color: blonde
11.. Eye color: crap brown
12.. Do you have a boyfriend / girlfriend: nope
13.. Will you send this to your crush: its a blog posting
FOR GIRLS TO FILL OUT ABOUT GUYS (for girls only)
1.. Boxers or briefs: thats not really a concern of mine
2.. Long or short hair: duh. short.
3.. Dark or blonde hair: dosen't matter.
4.. Tall or short: tall
5.. Six pack: sure, why not.
6.. Muscular arms: sure, why not.
7.. Good or bad guy: what?
8.. Hat or no hat: no hat
9.. Ears pierced or not: ew, no.
10. Dimples: dosen't matter
11. Studly or cutie: cutie
12. Dark or light eyes: light, or maybe dark? dosen't matter.
13. Fat or thin: thin
14. Jewelry or none: none
15. Curly or straight hair: dosen't matter
16.. Indoor or outdoors: both
17.. Shy or outgoing: i don't know. you tell me.
ON GIRLS FOR GUYS TO FILL OUT (for guys only!)
1.. Regular underwear or G string:
2.. Painted nails or not:
3.. Bra or sports bra:
4.. Cute n' mysterious or wild n' sexy:
5.. Dressy or casual:
6.. Dark or blonde hair:
7.. Long or short hair:
8.. Dark or light eyes:
9.. Long or short nails:
10.. Hat or no hat:
11.. Good or bad girl:
12.. Fat or thin:
3.. Hair up or down:
14.. Jewelry or none:
15.. Tall or short:
16.. Curly or straight hair:
17.. Pants or dress:
18.. Tan or fair:
19.. Freckles or none:
20.. Indoor or outdoor:
21.. Shy or outgoing:
FOR EVERYONE TO FILL OUT:
1.. Would you date someone just for his or her looks: yeah. i'm shallow. but hey, anything can happen.
2. Chocolate or white milk: chocolate. OH YEAH!
3. Root beer or coke: root beer. coke grosses me out.
4.. Mud or jello wrestling: i hate jello. i'll go with the mud.
5. skiing or boarding: skiiing
6.. Day or night: dosen't matter. i'm always awake anyway.
7.. Summer or winter: summer.
8.. Cake or pie: both. i like food.
9.. Silver or gold: silver
10.. Sunset or sunrise: neither. i have a short attention spand. but if i must, a sunset.
11.. Have you ever fractured/broken/sprained a bone?: yes. my pinky.
12.. Do you have any piercings: yes, ears
13.. What's your favorite color(s): all of them. colors are pretty.
14.. Do you hate anyone: oh yeah.. don't even get me started
15.. What do you dream about: struggling...
16.. Do you have a crush on someone right now: duh!
17. Who's the loudest: me. i'd honestly say me. but besides me, i'd say jenna
18. Who's the quietest friend: hillary
19.. Who do you tell your dreams to: whoever i feel like telling
20. What shampoo do you use at da moment : that fruit stuff in the bright green bottle (like i'd know the name! pfft!)
21. How many T.Vs in your house: 11
22. Who is the last person you called: jenna
23.. Where do you want to get married: somewhere sunny... maybe outdoors. if not in a big church.
24.. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be: oh god. theres so much. but one thing? err. i'll get back to you. 25.. Favorite number: 600,013,721
26.. Favorite boys names: i dunno!
27.. Favorite girls name: brooke, dawn, ashley, christina (not to be confused with christifa LOL)
28.. Have you ever gone skinny dipping: yes, in the bathtub, WITH MY RUBBER DUCKY!! (lol jenna!!!!!!). but real skinny dipping? no.
29.. Been in love: nope.
30.. How many people are you sending this too: i dunno. how many people go to my blog?
31.. Who do you think will send it back: stupid question.
32.. What is the last film you saw at the cinema: lizzie mcguire movie... may 2
33.. What do you have for breakfast in the morning: energy bar, vanilla nutrition shake.
34.. Do you like filling these things out: why do you think i'm filling it out in the first place?
35.. What is the time now: 10:16
i found this survey on sarah's dead journal. on number 17, i was listed as the loudest. yeah, i definatly am.
wow. i never thought i'd ever add a simple website to my list of fears.
i went to dawson's website today. he takes it way too seriously. its scary. i'm afraid to leave posts.
PuNkRocKer41988: i had a giant lollipop once. it died
PuNkRocKer41988: i didnt suddenly turn into a retard
PuNkRocKer41988: it was progressive
PuNkRocKer41988: LIKE THE AUTO INSURENCE
PuNkRocKer41988: i ride the short bus
PuNkRocKer41988: and i breathe air
PuNkRocKer41988: the end.
i'm going to take a shower now. isn't that useful information?
"no. i'm not a stalker" ~me
oo. i never told you about my school day today. well, nothing really happened in french. or chorus. or math. or lunch. global studies i wrote in my blog. after that a bunch of people in my class decided that it would be funny to tip all of the desks over. well, i went over to start picking them up becuase it was incredibly immature and they're all like "suzie, stop being a jackass". the abelson turns around and goes "ok, no ones leaving until all of those desks are picked up" and then everyone goes "suzie did it". i'm like WHAT THE??!! but she didn't beleive their crap... i don't know why she would, but oh well. so then i go to science. nothing. then i had gym. wow. gym was fun. see, doyle wasn't there so we had a choice to go upstairs and walk around the track for the whole period or play kickball. i dunno why, but all except 2 freshman and 8 sophmores were walking... err. slackers. i was one of the few who stayed and played kickball. it was amazing. i was the only person to make a homerun on my team. go me. haha. and i almost got someone out too, except i slipped and fell flat on my butt. it was amazing. then i had language arts. we're watching romeo and juliet. we have to write a 5 paragraph paper on it. knowing me i'll go for the extra credt and write 10 paragraphs, just because its that easy. and we took this self graded test... i got another 100. everyone got this one question wrong except me.... thats only becuase i have common sense. haha. so yeah. then i had international club. sara was being a tyrant. i hate her.
i hate my hair. it was such crap today. no softness whatsoever. it sucked.
do you know how much it hurts to know that there is absolutly no chance??? to knw that no matter hwo hard you wish that your dream can never come true?? it hurts so much, beyond words.
jenna's new sn is HoLlAbAcKwOWoO28. i'm sorry, do i know her?
KELLAYKELLAY: once agian, we are the cool, funny, mysterious types. LOL
i wish some people would just grow up. no, not some. alot.
god. 7th graders annoy the crap out of me.
i'm so sick of liars.
when you have something to say to someone, say it to their face.
i'm so sick of so many people treating me like i have no feelings... there are so many people. i hate you all.
i hate my life so much. i wish someone would kill me.
no, but i won't cry. i'm tired of being a baby.
now that i'm home alone i can cry now. i need a good cry.
where ever you are, whatever you maybe doing, I will be here for you.
i hate people. all people. all of them. every single person on this earth has a reason for me to hate them.
i don'y like when people just randomly say they hate me. i've had enough of people saying that today.
right off the bat she beleives someone else that i was on her sn. and i wasn't. right away. she dosen't even ask me if it was me before she says she hates me
ok, and to top off my bad day, jen is being a bitch.
i can't blame the whole being unloved thing on the chain letters. i have to take responsability for my own ugliness.
i am emotionally unstable right now and at any moment i could burst out in to tears.
Yo mama is so fat that her driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."
omg... i'm serious. that must be why i'm unloved. god. i hate chain letters. i hope they all die.
see, i never send those things, but see, maybe thats why no one loves me. AHHHHHH. who would know that chain letters could actually curse me?? this sucks majorly.
"something good willl happen 2 u at 2:25 tomorow get ready 4 the biggest shock of your life..
....whoever breaks this chain letter will be cursed with relationsihhp problems 4 the next 10 years tomorow is national kiss day if you send 15 ppl this in 15 min your crush will kiss you no pass back"
don't you hate chain letters?
¸_./'\._¸¸.·¤**¤·.¸.·¤**¤·.
*·. .·.·¸..·¤ SuZiE.·¤**¤·
/.·*·.\ ¸..·¤**¤·.,.·¤**¤·
qui t'a achete les chienes??
my parents hate me. aren't i lucky?
i'm hungry, yet i haven't gotten up to get food yet. what is wrong with me?
yeah, thats right sara. CRY ABOUT IT!
she's a bitch.
i hate sara papamarcos.
maybe when the kids are chasing me i should throw tacos at them... that would be funny.
when i grow up, instead of having my own ice cream truck, i'll have a taco truck. little kids will chase it thinking that they'll get ice cream, but they won't, will they? no. its all about tacos. tacos all the way. YAY!
actually, just any food. i'm starving.
i'm in the mood for a chimichanga.
i have 10 minutes.
i really need to do my science homework. now.
wow, that was the best one yet.
#375: I think the best Thanksgiving I ever had was the one where we didn't even have a turkey. Mom and Dad sat us kids down and explained that business hadn't been good at Dad's store, so we couldn't afford a turkey. We had vegetables and bread and pie, and it was just fine. Later I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom to thank them, and I caught them eating a little turkey. I guess that wasn't really the best Thanksgiving.
#357: I guess if I was starving to death I would eat a god. But not a collie, because I don't like the taste of a collie.
you love those random quotes.
#99: Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way, he develops a good, lucky feeling.
#285: Instead of a trap door, what about an area of the floor that just shoots up real quick and smashes the guy against the ceiling?
#139: Whether they live in an igloo or a grass shack or a mud hut, people around the world all want the same thing: a better house!
#284: Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend.
#342: Later, they were tied to the bumper of a car and dragged around the block, as onlookers shrieked with delight. But one old man, who had a banjo, just shook his head and walked away. The crowd noticed this and set him on fire
#371: When you're dying, a funny gag would be to act like you see an angel, then pretend like you're having sex with it.
#450: The way I see it, kids need exercise more than they need ice cream. So when I worked as an ice cream man, driving an ice cream truck, I would try to drive fast enough that the kid wouldn't catch me, but not so fast that he'd give up right away. Some kids will chase you for eight or nine blocks.
#1: It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
#200: Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know anybody: First, take out the garbage. Then go around and collect any extra garbage that people might have, like a crumpled-up napkin, and take that out too. Pretty soon people will want to meet the busy garbage guy.
#293: Many people don't realize that playing dead can help not only with bears, but also at important business meetings.
and i only have 20 minutes to do it.
i need the SCIENCE HOMEWORK
i found a quiz on aids.
i need to find someone in this class who has santelli.
i can't find my science homework. this sucks major ass.
i'm wearing a pink skirt and my massive flip flops today. they make me taller than sara papamarcos. go me!!
did you know that aids came from people having sex with their children?? not monkeys, children. thats just gross.
i just need more global studies h/ws.
today i was feeling incredibly stressed out about all of that work i have to make up. but now its alot better. all i have to do to get all of my math work made up is to give sarah a list of assignments and then give her 20 bucks. and i'm giving andrea 10 bucks to do my science project for me. wow. life is sweet.
global studies. ha. go me.
Monday, June 02, 2003
its late(ish). i gotta go. toodles.
i have about 2 weeks worth of g.s. homework lined up for 7 bucks. i need more. more homework. must. not. fail. global studies....
andrea is going to do my science project for me. what a great kid
andrea is going to save my life.
i love sara's profile
BeAcH bAyBeE 457: if i cud live inside the radio and listen all da, i would
cheryl is still special
i'm so unloved. somebody shoot me.
i've been overcome by this incredible feeling of BOREDOM. come on people, talk to me!
yeah. so maybe i should go to sleep.
i took a shower at 7. its 930 and my hair is still wet. this is very sad.
don't you hate how when you're wating for something time seems to move slower??? i hate that. DAMNIT JENNA! CALL!!
i hate when people take stuff way too seriously. i mean, come one. live a little!!
the only thing i hate more than people in general is ..........
i hate people.
i feel bad for all of my friends. they have to deal with me on a daily basis.
andrea is the biggest short bus kid i know... or should i say "short kids bus"?
wow. cheryl is special.
cheryl is making me listen to the camel toe song.
yay!!! i finnally got the guestbook postings that laurel left!! it only took 2 hours!! yay!!!
yeah. so she's calling again... like i'm going to pick up.
yeah, so jenna was being a bitch. so i blocked her.
i just hung up on jenna. she was making fun of me.
mariah carey's movie wasn't bad. it was terrible.
i'm on the phone with jenna
"Andrea...your ass wiggles"
"My ass does NOT wiggle! It fashionably sways!"
~Andrea and Sarah, 6/02/03
Auto response from FuzzzyFeet: your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me...
SuzieFromSweden: yeah. i know
SuzieFromSweden: stop listening to the chorus cd then
and my blog went into a coma so those last 2 posts were 15 minutes late.
wait, since when am i a plural item? um, i don't think so!
i have 4 minutes until my deep-conditioning is done... and i ran out of things to do, so i'm all like, yeah, lets write in the blog....
blog went into a coma again...
you bitch!
but now my blog dosen't want to update.
i'm so happy blog is back.
oh, yeah, and the clock on the ims are an hour behind. so just ignore that minor flaw.
blog was in a coma for quite a while... i was nervous. i'm glad it pulled through. well, i used laurel as my temporary blog. it was fun...
SuzieFromSweden (4:35:36 PM): AHHHHH
SuzieFromSweden (4:35:39 PM): i think my blog died
FuzzzyFeet (4:36:22 PM): i bet i killed it by reloading it too many times.
FuzzzyFeet (4:36:22 PM): lol
SuzieFromSweden (4:36:33 PM): LAUREL KILLED MY BLOG
FuzzzyFeet (4:36:41 PM): YUS!
SuzieFromSweden (4:36:48 PM): >:o
SuzieFromSweden (4:37:01 PM): no. i'm serious. i think you did
SuzieFromSweden (4:37:06 PM): go to blogger.com
SuzieFromSweden (4:37:10 PM): is it working?
SuzieFromSweden (4:37:16 PM): blogger.com is not working
FuzzzyFeet (4:37:22 PM): nope
FuzzzyFeet (4:37:23 PM): bloggers down
FuzzzyFeet (4:37:23 PM): lol
SuzieFromSweden (4:37:31 PM): OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
SuzieFromSweden (4:37:39 PM): well, thats better
SuzieFromSweden (4:37:42 PM): is in a coma
SuzieFromSweden (4:37:44 PM): *its
SuzieFromSweden (4:38:03 PM): well, you are going to be my temporary blog until it comes back up
FuzzzyFeet (4:38:27 PM): oh god.
SuzieFromSweden (4:38:36 PM): well, blogger is down. laurel is my temporary blog.
FuzzzyFeet (4:38:42 PM): *falls to knees dramaticly* WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
SuzieFromSweden (4:38:46 PM): LOL
SuzieFromSweden (4:38:57 PM): laurel dosen't like the honor of being my blog. that bitch
FuzzzyFeet (4:39:05 PM): YES! STUPID BITCH!
SuzieFromSweden (4:39:55 PM): i'm on the phone jenna. aka jen. she changed her name
FuzzzyFeet (4:40:01 PM): so i read
SuzieFromSweden (4:40:24 PM): jen is at hershe park and she didn't get me anything. that bitch.
FuzzzyFeet (4:40:38 PM): EW! BITCH!
SuzieFromSweden (4:40:41 PM): and now i can't even write in my blog. my blog is a bitch too.
FuzzzyFeet (4:40:52 PM): stupid bitch!
SuzieFromSweden (4:40:58 PM): and my blog never made side comments... laurel just can't shut up, can she?
SuzieFromSweden (4:40:59 PM): LOL!!!!!!!!!!1
SuzieFromSweden (4:41:32 PM): HAHA... my temporary blog probably wants to do my science project for me for 20 dollars
FuzzzyFeet (4:41:35 PM): lol!!!!
FuzzzyFeet (4:41:40 PM): hell no.
SuzieFromSweden (4:41:46 PM): how about 30?
FuzzzyFeet (4:41:52 PM): how bout no
SuzieFromSweden (4:41:56 PM): 40?
FuzzzyFeet (4:42:08 PM): make it 100 and you got yourself a deal.
SuzieFromSweden (4:42:51 PM): well, blog, i have to put my foot down this time.. stand up to laurel and say 50 DAMNIT!
SuzieFromSweden (4:44:31 PM): i think that laurel/blog is going to have to kill me now.
SuzieFromSweden (4:44:37 PM): KELLAYKELLAY (4:36:56 PM): !yeH
SuzieFromSweden (4:37:26 PM): !yeH
KELLAYKELLAY (4:43:44 PM): !pu tuhS
SuzieFromSweden (4:44:02 PM): !uoy oN
SuzieFromSweden (4:44:41 PM): that was for the blog
FuzzzyFeet (4:45:12 PM): DIE
SuzieFromSweden (4:45:38 PM): its 5:44 (i think) and blogger is still down. that stupid bitch. nnow laurel is going to kill me. well blog, its been nice knowing you.
SuzieFromSweden (4:45:58 PM): we've had some good times
SuzieFromSweden (4:46:01 PM): and some laughs
FuzzzyFeet (4:46:07 PM): and some deaths
SuzieFromSweden (4:46:11 PM): but its my time now to move on....
SuzieFromSweden (4:46:19 PM): to bigger and "better" things
SuzieFromSweden (4:46:26 PM): and in my last will...
SuzieFromSweden (4:46:32 PM): i will leave laurel
FuzzzyFeet (4:46:52 PM): BLOGGER WORKS
FuzzzyFeet (4:46:52 PM): GO
FuzzzyFeet (4:46:52 PM): UPDATE
FuzzzyFeet (4:46:53 PM): GO
FuzzzyFeet (4:46:54 PM): NOW
SuzieFromSweden (4:46:55 PM): absolutly positivly nothing
SuzieFromSweden (4:46:57 PM): LOL
SuzieFromSweden (4:46:58 PM): YAY
SuzieFromSweden (4:47:10 PM): Microsoft OLE DB Provider for ODBC Drivers error '80004005'
[Microsoft][ODBC SQL Server Driver][TCP/IP Sockets]General network error. Check your network documentation.
//global.asa, line 15
SuzieFromSweden (4:47:19 PM): ITS NOT WORKING FOR ME
FuzzzyFeet (4:47:22 PM): HAHA THAT SUCKS!
SuzieFromSweden (4:47:29 PM): SHUT UP
SuzieFromSweden (4:48:00 PM): YES IT IS BACK
FuzzzyFeet (4:48:18 PM): YESSSSSSSSSSS
i found the most amazing comic ever.
i so like italian better.
dur merde.
i went to the mall today with nora. i bought a pizza and these massive flip flops. they are so amazingly large. i love them.
KELLAYKELLAY: mon merde... c'est verte
i would like to thank suzie for all of her coffee. lol
LaLaLaurel whispered at 11:01 AM
FINNALLY!! ALL OF THAT COFFEE PAID OFF!!!
jenna: whats he doing to my leg?
suzie: i think he likes you, maureen.
my away message was "i went out. ill be back later. i want lots and lots of messages." and i got 135 messages from 5 people. i love you. lol thank you. that made my day. thats right. lisa, charlie, suzie, steve, and ato. yay!!
LaLaLaurel whispered at 3:08 PM
103 of those messages were mine. GO ME!!!
i'm going to the mall after school so i can buy these really cute shoes.
the laptop is magnetic...
i don't like global studies... we shouldn't dwell in the past, we should look forward to a brighter future.
yeah, so my french teacher is psycotic. she's all like "the island my parents came from had interbreeding". that explains so much.
don't think of it at killing the campers, think of it as feeding the bear.
i'm in global studies. i should be researching aids in africa, but i'm not. go me.
yup. thats my bus... gotta go!!!!!
shit. i think i hear my bus coming
good morning.
Sunday, June 01, 2003
why do so many people hate me??
poison ivy itches like the devil.
Chinchilla008: with u 2 its so confusing
sooo true.
never forget yesterday
but always live for today
cause you never know what
tomorrow can bring
Or what it can take away
i'm a talentless heartless ugly self absorbed bitch who deserves to die... and hopefully will... very soon.
every day the sun rises and sets. with every sunrise, its a new day, and theres hope that maybe my dream will come true. but with every sunset, i realize that theres no way that dream could ever come true.
today is a bad day becuase there are people who decide to make your day miserable by treating you as if you're nothing... and like you're not worth even the slightest thought... or a moment of their time. thats what i hate most about this world. the people like that.
bad day.
no words can describe how much i hate children.
goodnight everyone!! see you in the morning!! then i get to babysit psycotic russian kids who speak their own made up language! aren't i lucky??? i'm starting to think that i'm the luckiest person alive!! *twitch* :-\
..........NOW!!!
............
ok. i'm getting up.....
then why haven't i stood up yet??
thats it. i'm going to bed right now.
merda.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME/!>!?!?!?!
definatly still sitting.
nope. not up.
nope... still not up.
ok, i still haven't gotten up from my chair yet. what the hell is wrong with me?
its 5:30 am in england. i just thought you should know that.
i've officially decided that i'm going to sleep now... nothing (except for food) will stop me from that.
#85: If you ever discover that what you're seeing is a play within a play, just slow down, take a deep breath, and hold on for the ride of your life.
#359: You might think that the favorite plant of the porcupine is the cactus, but it's thinking like that that has almost ruined this country.
#194: Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window.
#144: If I was being executed by injection, I'd clean up my cell real neat. Then, when they came to get me, I'd say, "Injection? I thought you said 'inspection.'" They'd probably feel real bad, and maybe I could get out of it.
#113: Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. Now who's asking the questions?
i'm sleepy. i'm going upstairs.
ok, its 2:30. why am i still awake?
#337: We're all afraid of something. Take my little nephew, for instance. He's afraid of skeletons. He thinks they live in closets and under beds, and at night they come out to get you when you're asleep. And what am I afraid of? Now, I'm afraid of skeletons.
#441: In all the time I was growing up, I only saw Dad cry two times. After the first time, I didn't say anything. But after the second time I left a note on his dresser that said "See a psychiatrist." I don't know if he ever did, but at least I didn't see him cry again.
#27: I wish a robot would get elected President. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
#419: We asked Dad if we could have a trampoline, but he said no, that they were too dangerous and too expensive. But then we went and talked to the trampoline salesman at the store, and he said they weren't too expensive or dangerous. I think I'm still sorta mad at Dad for lying to us like that.
#60: You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.
i need more calamine lotion. i hate poison ivy.
#231: You know what would be the most terrifying thing that could ever happen to a flea? Getting caught inside a watch somehow. You don't even care, do you.
the lights keep dimming and getting brighter at my house... either the power is going to go out or i really need some sleep...
#20: I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Cave Man the best. We called him Uncle Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he'd eat one of us. Later on we found out he was a bear.
#422: I'll never forget the time my friend Stew went skydiving. Boy, what a mistake that was! First of all, his parachute didn't open. Second, we didn't have the right address, so before we got there we got lost and went driving all around for almost an hour. And third, when we finally did get there, Stew tried to back out and we had to talk him into going.
#389: I remember I was hammering on a fence in the backyard when Dad approached. He was carrying a letter or something in his hand, and he looked worried. I continued to hammer as he came toward me. "Son," he said, "why are you hammering on that fence? It already has plenty of nails in it." "Oh, I'm not using nails," I replied. "I'm just hammering." With that, I returned to my hammering. Dad asked me to stop hammering, as he had some news. I did stop hammering, but first I got a couple more hammers in, and this seemed to make Dad mad. "I said, stop hammering!" he yelled. I think he felt bad for yelling at me, especially since it looked like he had bad news. "Look," he said, "you can hammer later, but first-" Well, I didn't even wait to hear the rest. As soon as I heard "You can hammer," that's what I started doing. Hammering away, happy as an old hammer dog. Dad tried to physically stop me from hammering by inserting a small log of some sort between my hammer and the fence. But I just kept on hammering, 'cause that's the way I am when I get that hammer going. Then, he just grabbed my arm and made me stop. "I'm afraid I have some news for you," he said. I swear, what I did next was not hammering. I was just letting the hammer swing lazily at arm's length, and maybe it tapped the fence once or twice, but that's all. That apparently didn't make any difference whatsoever to Dad, because he just grabbed my hammer out of my hand and flung it across the field. And when I saw my hammer flying helplessly through the air like that, I just couldn't take it. I burst out crying, I admit it. And I ran to the house, as fast as my legs could take me. "Son, come back!" yelled Dad. "What about your hammer?!" But I could not have cared less about hammering at that point. I ran into the house and flung myself onto my bed, pounding the bed with my fists. I pounded and pounded, until finally, behind me, I heard a voice. "As long as you're pounding, why not use this?" I turned, and it was Dad, holding a brand-new solid-gold hammer. I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and ran to Dad's outstretched arms. But suddenly, he jumped out of the way, and I went sailing through the second-story window behind him. Whenever I hear about a kid getting in trouble with drugs, I like to tell him this story.
#287: When I think of all the arguments Marta and I have had, I realize how silly most of them were. And it makes me wonder why she wanted to argue over such stupid things. I think I'll go ask her.
#415: When I gave the bellboy his tip, he just sort of snarled at me. So I gave him some more money, but he just kept snarling. More money, more snarling. Finally I realized, Hey, you're not the bellboy, this is a robbery! I asked him anyway if he would carry my bag, but he wouldn't.
#258: You know what makes good hair for a snowman? Real hair. Don't ask me why, but it works.
#119: I don't think God put me on this planet to judge others. I think he put me on this planet to gather specimens and take them back to my home planet.
#372: Probably one of the main problems with owning a robot is when you want him to go out in the snow to get the paper, he doesn't want to go because it's so cold, so you have to get out your whip and start whipping him, and the kids start crying, and oh why did I ever get this stupid robot?
#52: I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then when somebody comes up act like they just woke up and go, "What was that?!"
#93: What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know.
#134: If there was a big gardening convention, and you got up and gave a speech in favor of fast-motion gardening, I bet you would get booed right off the stage. They're just not ready.
#322: The king threw back his head and laughed. He enjoyed a good laugh, and so did his wife, the queen. When she saw the king laughing she let out a big laugh too. In fact, she laughed so hard she broke her throne. This made them both laugh harder. Then they got serious when they remembered they had the plague. "The plague," said the king, but the way he said it made them both burst out laughing again.
#202: If you're a cowboy, and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.
#256: I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat." It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then, all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man, those ducks really take off! Also, Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.
#460: I remember the first time I ever went to the museum and saw the mummy. At first I was afraid of it. So, to get over my fear, I started pointing at the mummy and doing a funny little dance. But then I couldn't stop doing the dance. Something made me dance faster and faster until finally I fell on the floor. Even then I couldn't stop doing the dance. I flailed about helplessly, yelling some weird Egyptian words! Then I think I passed out, from hitting my head on the marble floor. Now, I'm happy to say, I'm no longer afraid of the mummy, mainly because I don't go there anymore.
#248: I think there probably should be a rule that if you're talking about how many loaves of bread a bullet will go through, it's understood that you mean lengthwise loaves. Otherwise it makes no sense.
#56: Too bad there's not such a thing as a golden skunk, because you'd probably be proud to be sprayed by one.
#292: For me, the worst thing about having King Kong walk down your street is that kids could look up and see the giant genitalia.
#356: Here's a tip: If you ever decide to take apart a bird's nest, to see how it's made, first make sure it's not somebody's basket they got in South America.
#396: The smell of Aunt Lucy's pies would make me come a-runnin'. But the sight of Aunt Lucy's face would make me run away.
#463: I'm not sure it's good to think back to my childhood memories, because I end up feeling happy and sad at the same time, and that gives me a weird "neutral" feeling.
#182: If you're traveling in a time machine, and you're eating corn on the cob, I don't think it's going to affect things one way or the other. But here's the point I'm trying to make: Corn on the cob is good, isn't it.
#257: I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.
#388: Grandpa used to describe the size of everything in terms of a calf. For instance, if he was describing a large dog, he would say it was "about as big as a calf." Or about a car, he would say it "could seat four calves comfortably." (Oh, that was another thing: how many calves could ride in something.) One time he was talking about a calf he had, and I asked him how big it was. He said it was "about three-quarters as big as a calf." Sometimes Grandpa would tell time by calves. If you asked him how long something would take, he'd say, "About as long as it takes a calf to drive over here."
#344: If you're being chased by an angry bull, and then you notice you're also being chased by a swarm of bees, it doesn't really change things. Just keep on running.
thats a good one.. hahah....
#115: If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what really throws you into a panic.
#100: If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because, man, they're gone.
#132: If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't think it necessarily means you're a hard worker. It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.
#125: Something tells me that the first mousetrap wasn't designed to catch mice at all, but to protect little cheese "gems" from burglars.
#252: One thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse.
#98: Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself. Mankind. Basically, it's made up of two separate works-"mank" and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
#336: My friend Don is such a loser. But if he was here right now, he'd say I was the loser. No, Don, you're the loser. But if he was here, he'd say I was the loser. No way, Don, you're the loser.
#406: I think the things you remember most are the little things, like that little space guy I kept tied up down in the basement. That little guy was only about five inches tall! He used to beg me to untie his rope, but I knew he'd just run away if I did. I think the cat finally got him, but the cat had little burn marks on him, from where the space guy shot him with his little gun, before his ammo ran out. I remember things like that.
i'm fun? never a dull moment?? wow. i've never gotten that one before.
I'm a Rainbow Paint Brush
I'm wild, bubbly, but most importantly, fun!
With me, there's never a dull moment!
whoops. i was supposed to wallsit for sarah yesterday. uh oh.
thank god they invented clear calamine lotion.
its 12:30, and my parents just decided now to go out... yay. i get to babysit.
i got my voice back!!
jack handey is not my hero. kellay is.
KELLAYKELLAY: i swear, sometimes I feel like i'm on the Real World Pennslyvania or something
yeah, so i'm going to be a copycat and make a guestbook like laurels
